2 • bags, change & us
3 things to remember about marriage
Before we get into the details of The Partner’s Promise, I think it’s helpful to continually remind ourselves of a few things.1
Marriage is a shared experience. Not a difficult thing to keep in mind in the beginning but an easy thing to lose sight of over time if you’re not paying attention and “stop trying to be sweethearts.” You gotta be careful. Lack of attention can start in small unnoticeable ways and become something very unpleasant over time.2 You want the momentum going in a good (enjoyable) direction.
And while part of this shared experience is acknowledging and loving (accepting, supporting) that your partner is an individual with individual needs, marriage is an us thing where both individuals usually arrive with some…
Baggage. Most of the time, each person will join the team with at least a couple decades of life experience if not more. If you’ve found your way to each other and decided on making this team permanent, there’s probably a lot of good in those bags. But you have to know it won’t be all good, and sometimes, you won’t recognize it or it won’t show itself for quite some time. Your partner might not even know about the bad in their own bags (just like you might not know or recognize the bad in yours). That’s when the need for real love steps in. And finally…
Change comes for all of us — positively, negatively, individually, and for both of you.
Marriage is an evolving environment with evolving influences. That means perceptions, beliefs, desires, health (mental, physical), and habits will change — sometimes good, sometimes not, sometimes big, sometimes nuanced, sometimes in all those places in between. And then things will change again … and again.
Fortunately, you’re best friends (keep reading)…
Feedback is love. Good, bad, blunt, quick, or long, we’re looking for the truth. Please comment here, email me, or if you’re slightly more daring — 804-335-1283 (my work phone in Richmond, VA). This is a living body of thoughts and ideas that changes with new information, added discussions, and more experience.
Oh and…
In case I missed you in the opening chapter — I hope you know it hasn’t been all puppies and rainbows at the Parker house for 35 years. We’ve had our unsweetened-heart moments for sure. But again, that’s where patience, resilience, and real love come in.
By continually, I mean recognizing it as a daily affirmation (or at least weekly).
Beer bellies don’t happen overnight.