scraps: the partner's promise
With non-fiction, I try to write in descending order of importance. Two reasons…
I bought into the idea as an early journalism student back when a lead included only the facts of who, what, where, when, why, and how (long lost objectivity joy). Anything else earned a C at best.
I don’t assume a level of attention from the world I rarely get from the people I know or love. (In my experience, neither should you. I know. You’re special😉 Sorry.)
For these reasons, any first words of explanation become afterwords, and any thoughts I’ve not fully worked land here in the scraps until called up to the majors.
Scraps aren’t great but I think they’re good enough that I don’t want to lose them. At some point, I may find their place, delete them completely, or just decide to let them sit here for some future use.
I put them here for you to see because I’d hate to let my concern for beautiful sentences and perfectly worked ideas get in the way of what might have immediate utility for someone.
Of course, this is all just my opinion. That and a nickel might buy you a gumball.1
° Nothing’s cooler than being a good husband.2
Matty Matheson | Canadian chef, actor, and fun guy | 1982 -
All of us have 168 hours a week. Pull the hours most of us need for sleep, work, cleaning (stuff & ourselves), commuting, eating, and exercising and we’re left with 38 - 40 hours for other life — 5 or 6 hours a day or 300 - 360 minutes.
A kid or four, a hobby or two, yard work, grocery or anything shopping, content consumption (books, news, shows, movies) and you can quickly see how time for your partner gets tight. Fortunately, some of the eating, hobby, and other time might be shared time. But, we need to stay awake and be sure to nurture our primary relationship if we want more joy in life.3
I don’t know many people who feel 30 - 60 minutes a day spent exercising is a bad use of time. How many of us will deliberately put that amount of time into connecting with our spouse each day?
° I think it should be a great sign to doctors and scientists that love, what it does to our bodies and our spirit and our health … I think they could treat illness with love.4
Gilda Radner | American comedian and actor | 1946 - 1989
We require years of education before giving our fellow humans the title of adult. I remember serving 9 months of my life learning chemistry. Within ten days, it was clear the universe didn’t want me for its chemistry needs. But, I was obliged to see it through.5 I don’t remember any relationship, marriage, or parenting class requirements. (That’s a little nuts.)
Working on this material has helped me be much more attentive to my primary relationship (in a positive way). I wonder how many people could benefit from a similar activity? Maybe not as extensively as what I hope to do here. But writing a couple thousand words on one’s own beliefs and discussing those beliefs with one’s partner seems like it might be a good use of time (for both of you).
Back to The Partner’s Promise.
Do we still have these?
Interview with Ian Hanomansing on The National in 2024.
If you’re someone who’s negatively motivated (like me at times), I’ll rephrase. We need to stay awake and be sure to nurture our primary relationship if we want to minimize suffering. (Yeah. Ouch.)
Interview with Lisa Nicholas from WPBA’s Cinema Showcase in 1986.
Was it all so I’d have those sentences to share 40 years later?