Model. Connect. Help.
Model the behaviors you hope to see in your kids.
Connect with them often.
Help them become the person they’re meant to be.
That’s it. Wonderfully simple.
A big-picture, day-to-day framework for some of the most important work there is.
It’s not for everyone. But, for those who choose it (or have it chosen for them), parenthood can be a rich and wonderful experience—joyful, challenging, painful, and nurturing.
If you want to approach it consciously and intentionally, maybe these thoughts and ideas can be helpful to you.
A quick liberating disclaimer…
My reading and research point to science saying parents have less of an impact on the overall development of our kids than we think. As with many things, we think we’re more important than we are.
Peers, genetics, and a bunch of luck play a big part. So that should be somewhat calming for those who feel their parenting is responsible for everything their kids do and become.
For the role we play beyond the basics of providing food, safety, love, and healthcare-related things, I think the bulk of the important stuff falls to those first 3 points.
Model
Connect
Help
It starts with a choice.
Keep reading » 3 initial questions
Oh and—
I hope I’m catching some of you early in your parenting work. Still, no matter where you are, these points should be a helpful foundation—even if you’re finished—if that ever really happens.1 If you’re a grandparent in real life or grandparent-to-be, maybe it’s something to share with your kids—help them get a few more things right than you did.
Not an uplifting moment, but the movie is wonderful (Parenthood, 1989, includes a young Joaquin Phoenix and Keanu Reeves). I found it gets funnier with more years lived, although a few things didn’t age well.
Thanks Sam. We're about to become first-time grandparents next month and your timely words of encouragement are useful for us. As suggested, I've shared this with my son and his wife. I truly appreciate your clear insight into the opportunities each of us have, every day, to make good things happen, for ourselves...and for others. Thanks again.
As always you are right on point! Motherhood was not an option however what you say is true for the extended family. “It takes a village” is a true statement. As an Aunt I aim to live in a way that would help my nieces and nephews. I don’t achieve it 100 💯 as we are all too human. I do have an awareness that they are watching.