do we project our inattention?
A friend was telling me a story and I felt like she was rushing.
In a lucky moment1, I found myself wanting to put her at ease so I said, “Hey. I’m here. I’m listening. I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to rush it.”
It made me think about my occasional inattention in conversations—my difficulty staying with someone for more than 20 seconds unless they say something absolutely amazing. Do I project this weakness onto the person who’s listening to me share something?
Like right now, if we’re talking and I project my occasional inattention onto you and feel you’re going to be inattentive to me, do I speed things up and/or cut what might be some fun detail? Does it become an unpleasant or less interesting exchange, discussion, or experience because of that?
Maybe, maybe not. Maybe my long story short has become a short story long and I should clip it. Or maybe, you like the added detail and want more.
Like so many things, it depends.
Anything other than a conversation and we can openly swipe or click our attention onto something else. (Are you still here?) In a conversation, we have to do it quietly—smiling and nodding while thinking elsewhere, keeping the glaze from our eyes so we don’t insult the person in front of us.
Feels ugly. Feels like a bad habit strengthened by the pace of things and the algos we allow to feed our brains. Splenda. High fructose corn syrup. Fake. A rush to get to the next thing without enjoying the now thing and maybe the previous thing.
Bill Murray (actor) was asked in his mid-sixties what he wanted that he didn’t have…
“I’d like to be more consistently here … I’d just like to really see how long I could last at being really here, really in it, really alive in the moment … if I were able to not get distracted, to not change channels in my mind and body so I was just really here and always with you. You could look at me and go, “Okay. He’s there. There’s someone there.”
Always with you. That’d be amazing.
Once again, a spot on observation. My son and his wife recently blessed us with our first grandson. When talking with my son our conversation centered on the importance of the "now," and how easy it is to simply move past it. Thank you once again. Your insight is encouraging.