don't make eye contact
3 simple points to driving kindly.
“Don’t make eye contact.”
That’s the one that caught me.
Sometimes when I’m keynoting an event, because of the room setup or agenda, I'm invited to sit in on some of the meeting before I talk.
When it happens, I look at it as an opportunity to potentially learn something new about an industry or the way others present or think. It’s usually less than 30 minutes. Every once in a while, it can be longer.
One of my favorite learning experiences was at a trucking company’s corporate event—a couple hundred drivers and team members in the audience.
4 hours.
Safety was a big chunk of the time.
We watched several dash cam videos from the truck driver’s view that further opened my eyes to the occasional insanity of some of us on the road. It also gave me a deeper respect for the work of truck drivers.
One of the presenters shared 5 ideas to minimize the chances of violent behavior on the road.
Don’t make eye contact.
Control your anger.
Don’t make emotional decisions.
Move over and let them pass.
Don’t honk your horn.
The new one for me was “Don’t make eye contact.”
I was told it’s a form of response that can escalate things. Drivers can perceive it as aggression. Makes sense. I just never thought about it.
As a result of that event, I started to pay much more attention to my driving—calming it. I spent the first 20 years of my driving life in the Washington, D.C. area. Driving kindly wasn’t a top priority. When I moved to Richmond, Virginia, my habits got more aligned with a gentler approach. Unfortunately, with time and the area’s growth over the last couple of decades, even Richmond driving seems a little closer to what I remember 100 miles north.
What I’ve found most helpful is to give attention to 3 things—
Community
Space
Speed
I remind myself I’m part of a driving community, and I want to be a positive part of it. This affirmation has been the most helpful to me. I don’t want to be that guy on the road—especially in my town. Richmond’s the kind of place where you cut someone off, 5 minutes later, you’ll be standing next to them in line at the grocery store. Plus, I’ve got a license plate that says ‘Be 212.’ Aggressive driving is bad for the brand.
Space refers to the space around my car in relation to other vehicles. I do what I can to maximize it given the situation. More space gives me more time to respond if something goes wrong.
Speed goes both ways. Too fast, and you minimize the advantage of any space. Too slow, and you hinder the community.
So here’s what’s become my Drive Kindly affirmation—
I’m an attentive member of the driving community. I help others out where I can.
I give myself and other people space.
I’m careful with my speed.
Community. Space. Speed.
That’s it.
I’ve found it helpful. It’s more fun to be kind on the road. I’ve also discovered that I get to my destination in about the same time with less stress.
Like everything I write and talk about, I’m in it with you. I can write this, think about it, and do it. And then, if I’m having a bad day and someone cuts me off or rides my bumper, I can forget who I want to be pretty fast. That’s when I try to remind myself to get back to now.
Community, space, and speed, Sam.
Community. Space. Speed.
Imagine the calm of that.
° To tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world. Let us dedicate ourselves to that.
Aeschylus & Robert F. Kennedy
How to Drive Kindly—
Community: Be an attentive member of the driving community.
Stay focused on driving your 2,500 - 6,000-pound machine.
No need to prove you have the right-of-way.
Let it go. (Whatever.)
Buckle up. If you have an accident, you don’t want to make it worse.
Drive sober.
Watch for walkers, runners, pets, scooters, bikers, and motorcyclists. Hurt or worse a person or pet—that’s some bad change for everyone.
No phones.
Help others where you can.
Let people merge.
Use turn signals earlier. They’re tools for sharing intentions rather than what’s happening at a particular moment. Be predictable.
Space: Give yourself and other people space.
Don’t tailgate.
Expect surprises. Many people won’t Drive Kindly and can’t drive as well as you.
Keep weather conditions in mind.
Speed: Be careful with your speed.
Impact/Damage/Cost is usually lighter at slower speeds.
Keep pace with traffic in appropriate places. Going too slow can also cause problems.
Community. Space. Speed.
I thought you might give some observations about the drive to Connecticut and back. I want to hear about the pizza!